In my last posts I have been talking about the importance of filtering your thoughts and letting go destructive ones.
I will be even more specific and give examples of thoughts I have personally thought, and make a conscious decision to stop:
Over-generalization + black or white vision:
This relationship and the ones before did not work, so I am not worthy of love and will never find someone who will stay in my life.
This is simply not true. There are multiple reasons why some things don’t work. Many that are not in our control and that have nothing to do with us personally. The past does not always predict the future. Things change, people change, situations change.
Taking all the blame + Jumping to conclusions without facts:
Wow, he did not look at me and seems very mad. He must hate me or maybe I said something wrong.
You can never be certain of why someone acts a certain way unless you ask them directly. In this case, instead of assuming I did something wrong, I should just have asked him “are you ok? what is happening?” and then I would have my answer. Not everything is about us, not everything is our fault. Don’t take the blame for everything. Make sure your worries are based on facts and not suppositions. And if it is really about you, only then you can take responsibility to help the situation.
Make a huge case of a small problem
I have a huge pimple on my nose, I’m sure that’s the only thing everybody sees. What is she talking about? My pimple probably. This sucks, I look horrible, I look like a monster. Why does it always happen to me? Why can’t I look good for once?
You have to calm down, take a step back, and see how small this problem is. It’s nothing. It’s no big deal. So what if today is not perfect. It’s good enough. Good enough to have a good day. Don’t make a big deal out of a small thing. Try to look at the big picture instead of the small details. Let go the idea of controlling everything.